-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- When the Boy Scouts of America found out den leader Jennifer Tyrrell is a lesbian , the organization 's Ohio River Valley Council sent her a letter saying `` you must immediately sever any relationship you may have '' with the Scouts .

`` You should understand that BSA -LRB- Boy Scouts of America -RRB- membership registration is a privilege and is not automatically granted to everyone who applies , '' the group wrote in the April 12 , 2012 , letter that Tyrrell , a 33-year-old mom in Ohio , photographed and sent to me recently . `` We reserve the right to refuse registration whenever there is concern that an individual may not meet the high standards of membership the BSA seeks . ''

That reference to `` high standards '' is apparently the Boy Scouts way of saying gays and lesbian scout leaders need not apply .

You may have heard people describe the Boy Scouts as gay-friendly this week , since the group voted to amend its draconian policies that banned `` open or avowed homosexuals '' from participating in the group as Scouts .

The 103-year-old organization -- known for its worthwhile efforts to teach kids to tie knots , survive in the woods and become more civic-minded adults -- decided on Thursday that gay Scouts should be able to participate in the organization . But not gay and lesbian leaders .

The Boy Scouts ' 1,400 voting members approved the change with more than 60 % of the vote . Still , the Scouts will have a hard time escaping the organization 's new reputation as a den for outdated thinking and discrimination . The group 's attitudes on gay rights are `` more out of style than the scout socks , '' said Kelsey Timmerman , a former Eagle Scout who mailed his badge back to the organization because of its discriminatory policies .

`` I never wore those damn socks , '' he said , laughing .

It 's clear the Boy Scouts are lost in the woods .

Timmerman represents the core of the scouting organization 's problem . He 's 34 , straight and the father of two kids . He credits the Scouts with helping him become an outgoing , confident and successful person . `` Scouting was awesome , '' he said .

But he would n't enroll his son in the program unless gays and lesbians are allowed to be Scouts and Scout leaders , too . He does n't want them to learn to discriminate from an organization that claims to value kindness and bravery .

The same goes for Tyrrell , the former Tiger Cub den leader in Ohio . Her son Cruz would love to be able to participate in the Scouts again , she said . And she would love for him to be able to do so . She noticed improvements in his maturity and confidence when he was part of the group .

But she wo n't go back unless everyone is welcome .

`` They 're teaching them to be bigots essentially , '' she said . `` This world is changing so quickly . You ca n't raise leaders for tomorrow on principles founded 100 years ago . ''

When I spoke with Tyrrell earlier , I sympathized with her wanting to celebrate the proposal to include gay Scouts as a `` tiny step in the right direction . ''

Hundreds of thousands of people had petitioned the Scouts to allow gay kids to participate . Ryan Andresen became a national celebrity of sorts after he was refused his Eagle Scout award because he 's openly gay . -LRB- Ellen DeGeneres had him on her show and gave him a $ 20,000 scholarship . -RRB-

I am certainly thankful the Boy Scouts did decide to allow all openly gay kids to be members .

But it 's frustrating and unfair that Boy Scout leaders also affirmed discrimination against adult scout leaders . The Scouts should n't tell children there 's nothing wrong with gay kids , but that there is something mysterious and dangerous about gay and lesbian adults .

For one thing , it 's illogical .

`` How does a -LRB- gay Scout -RRB- commit his life to an organization who he knows full well is going to dump him the day he turns 18 ? '' Tyrrell asked when we spoke in April , before this week 's vote . `` It would be really hard for that boy to believe in trustworthiness and loyalty and all those things that are important as a Scout . ''

Gay kids : fine . Adults ? Not so much .

The problem may be that the Scouts are listening too much instead of making decisions with conviction . They 're `` licking their finger and testing the wind , '' as Timmerman put it , trying to figure out how to please all constituencies . That 's , of course , impossible . The anti-gay Family Research Council recently uploaded a YouTube video -LRB- watch it ; this sort of over-produced fear-mongering has become a hilarious parody of itself -RRB- saying that the Boy Scouts were `` abandoning their moral compass '' by thinking of including gay Scouts .

I do n't think the Boy Scouts of America has abandoned its compass .

But it 's clear it still needs to be recalibrated to the times .

The opinions expressed in this column are solely those of John D. Sutter .

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Boy Scouts of America voted to end its ban on gay Scouts

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The organization will continue , however , to ban gay Scout leaders

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John Sutter : The group ca n't have it both ways and should include everyone

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Sutter speaks with a den leader who was ousted because she 's a lesbian